episode 1

Where do I even begin?


With an explanation of the self, I suppose is best.


My name is Cameron but almost no one calls me that anymore.


I don’t really know when I moved away from my birth name into being called ‘cam’…midwifery school maybe?


There’s nothing inherently wrong with my full name. Actually, I quite enjoy it now as an adult.


But I suppose choosing to give yourself a name is a bit more powerful than using the one bestowed upon you.


Or maybe it’s because the only people who call me Cameron are family and ‘cam’ gives me a sense of anonymity I didn’t have before.


Almost like a mask that keeps my real self from emerging in the public. And honestly, it is probably more the latter.


I’ve always been this way- too self-conscious to act as myself.


I did theater for over a decade of my life and going on stage as another character was as easy as breathing


But god forbid I go on the stage and present to the world as myself


I get shaky, clammy, my ears ring and I trip over my words. Even phone calls make me anxious unless I write a script and pretend I’m someone else.


I’m honestly tired of that life though. What kind of world am I building for my future children if I myself am too afraid to take up space in it, as myself?


I suppose that’s where the podcast comes in.


Anyone that has followed my journey as an artist knows that I very rarely take pictures or video of myself. Instead, I garner interest through my work, afraid to show anyone the real me, in fear that they would turn away or cast me aside for someone more tasteful, prettier, skinner, smarter, sweeter.


What the fuck is wrong with that picture?


Millions and millions of atoms have aligned in such a way to create this body, this person.

Who am I to question this obviously intelligent design? Out of manufactured fear?


So fuck it.


I’m here and I’m showing up as me, as Cam.


If others don’t like it, then fuck ‘em.


My self conscious bullshit has held me up for too long and I don’t want to play pretend anymore.


So I’m doing the damn thing and showing up as myself to create a podcast.


I don’t believe in labels & boxes for myself, so there is no one term that will explain this show.


I suppose it’s closer to an amalgamation of ambiguous open-ended terms that foster conversation far deeper than the everyday.


This podcast will be about living, about dying, about exploring, about passions.


I want to adventure through all of those things with myself, with my guests, and most of all, with you.


I’d like to say I’ll keep this on a consistent basis but the likelihood is slim because I always seem to crumble under pressure, especially when I put it on myself.


So enjoy my sporadic musings with myself and guests alike.


I’m sure it will be a blast.